The New Rules of Dating
It’s as if everyone wants companionship but no responsibility
If you are dating, or not, I’m curious to know your opinion about this article .
– JE
My young, single clients are fed up. Their tales of dating woes sound completely exhausting. Many come to sessions traumatized after evenings gone wrong, so I try to help them change the negative core beliefs they have adopted about themselves after unsuccessful encounters: I am unlovable. I am unattractive. I don’t deserve to be happy. But many others state that their therapeutic goal is just to figure out how to embrace singledom. And some women tell me they’ve decided to enter a “celibacy era” after being ghosted by one too many guys. As a relationship therapist who views healthy sexual experiences as one of life’s greatest joys, I find this especially cringeworthy.
My older clients present a stark contrast. Their stories of how they met their partners are nostalgic, filled with unprompted detail about what their relationships were like as things progressed. They describe their initial chemistry and attraction, and maybe the cheesy but charming pickup line they couldn’t help but fall for. And they reference other key players: the mutual friend, the co-worker, or the quirky aunt who surprised them with her keen matchmaking ability.
Credit: Emily Jamea Ph.D., LMFT, LPC